How Deep does this Rabbit Hole go?

Every day I seem to crave more.

There is something within me that has been awakened, like a beast of desire, of want and need that engulfs me, overwhelming me with the raw power of my previously hidden desires.

Every scene, every play partner has awakened something new, something deeper, something pushing my boundaries beyond what I even thought possible.

The pain is something I need now. To function, to enjoy life. It’s like a monster inside me that only gets soothed with the impact of a hand, a flogger, a belt or a cane.

But I want more.

I catch myself dreaming of blades and needles, of whips and broken skin. It scares me but I find myself soaking wet and breathing deeply, squirming for the experience.

How far does this Rabbit Hole go?

Do I even want to know?

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